The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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