just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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