i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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