I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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