frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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