the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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