Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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