I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize