Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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