is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize