I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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