If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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