i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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