That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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