sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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