I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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