better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My feet surprised me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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