so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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