i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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