if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize