why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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