and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i need some magic done to my vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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