At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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