i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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