Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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