Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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