I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
