so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
this is an emotional support booty call
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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