No I am not eating basil off your cock
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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