I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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