Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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