I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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