It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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