i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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