Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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