There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize