its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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