ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
