Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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