I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize