By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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