After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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