seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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