Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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