Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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