I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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