wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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