My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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