I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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