Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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